"ಇರುವುದೆಲ್ಲವ ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಇರದುದರೆಡೆಗೆ ತುಡಿವುದೆ ಜೀವನ" (Iruvudellava bittu iradudaredege tudivude jeevana) Life is leaving everything we have and craving for things which we do not have..

Pardon the lengthy title, but it best described my thoughts.

A great poet from karnataka wrote this.  And i realised that it makes sense... yup after all these years! (ofcourse in my own ways and for my own reasons)When i first thought of writing something like this the thought of writing it down in my mother tongue - kannada did come to my mind but i dint!  I think its because saying it in kannada would bring back too much of emotions-- may be i cant handle it thats why i dint!

After making Pizza at home, eating it and getting a pat on the back from Hubby dearest, my mind kept going back to years ago when i had eaten a slice of pizza somewhere and had taken a liking to it.

My mom who saw my interest decided to do something about it.  She went to the local supermarket to get the pizza base and one look at that and she decided a "NO" and came home and figured she could use bread as a substitute.  She did go to great troubles, i ate it said it was awesome and was even happy and a while later when she did do it again i sort of told her that she need not go to the trouble.  I meant to say it was too much of work and she looked disappointed :( and i did not press it further.

The reason this came to me the other day was when i realized i had thought exactly the same way like my mom, ofcourse after all these years!  A great cook my mother was, just as anybody else would say about their own, but she seemed to do her best and re create the dishes that i enjoyed when we went out to restaurants or ate it at my friends place and came back gaga over it. When we got a chance to live in South of coorg she did have a garden a really big one and she almost grew anything and everything like from a pumpkin to papaya.  Later when we built a house after years she almost recreated the same kind of garden and had a great variety of roses!

Am sure there are people who have their own farmhouses but somehow i looked at all that in awe, everytime i went home for holidays there was something new growing, something new to be picked and i had the same problem of a teenager!  Not important...  Just as she wanted me to work with her alongside in the garden and i was more interested listening to music of backstreet boys  and Ricky martin and our very own kavitha krishnamurthy and enjoyed munchies with a book of saisuthe and Sidney sheldon.  Now in my defense i would like to say that a teenager's view of things and problems of life are really different and it may not really have showed interest in any of the things my mother wanted me to!

Now before those obedient sweet daughters start getting annoyed about why i dint really show interest they perfectly did!  I could only say i was a bit of a free spirit those days a little tooo dreamy.  I had a weird mercurial nature.  I could not read a subject for a long time to start with.  It simply bored me!  "How long can i do the same thing" - was my constant liner and my mom got frustrated with me.  So did I!

After all these years sitting in a small suburb in North America i crave for a patch of garden  where i can plant tomatoes and cilantro and onions, i try out all possible vegetarian recipes i can lay my hands on and next i want to try if i can do a painting.  Yeah ! i know! no need to have said this making everyone's jaw drop open while they even read this!  How can me of all even think it!  Sure sure nobody believes it  -  thats a story for another day however. 

My mother had the patience of a saint i suppose -- i say it because with a mercurial husband and daughter its a wonder she dint go crazy!  I yelled at her for waiting up on dad night after night to EAT ! supper and then some for so many other things.  She seldom liked to go anywhere without dad and i was always annoyed!  Now here i am married and all ahem ahem yup! i simply cant make myself eat if "B" isn't around, may be because his commentary on the food while eating -  making me angry and a strong urge to LOL all at the same time.  Whenever i sit down alone to eat i inevitably think about something he would have said and smile to myself.  B suggested i spend a couple days at a friends place for a change from the snow and get some sunshine.  I liked the idea though i dint jump at it.  While i surely want to take him up on that i said - "Oh you arent gonna be there, what fun is it anyways?!  HUH!  LIFE - You leave what you have and run towards something that you dont and end up doing the same/ craving for the same --- All over again!

My mom could sew, knit, crochet, glass paint, stitch, do art work, repair appliances, cook and am sure could do so many other things that i dint even know of  -Whenever i saw her doing any of this i simply did not understand why she could not just relax bah! always busy and yet here i am trying my best to keep my self busy with whatever i can find to do at home.  I would love to tell her the things i have been doing except she isnt there to be wowed by any of it.  A bit too late to impress her now i suppose! 

And  YAWN! yeah i know! where are we going with this? I meant to say how i grew up dreaming about a career, being independent, shopping blah blah blah and after doing all that for nearly ten years ended up doing exactly what i thought dint make sense!  Its just a couple of things. Now, if i mentioned all of it in here this would be way too lengthy and boring.  This is just my story but i do feel that there are so many of us who would have left things that was to become something and craved for the same thing all over again!

I know this entry became a tad bit too philosophical and emotional but then, hey i told you its all about banter and flavour dint I ??


ADIEU!!